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A drop of honesty about my mental health.
For as long as I can remember, I haven’t felt like I belonged to this world. I was bullied for most of my childhood, something that followed me well into adulthood before I truly started fighting back. And because of a life full of
For as long as I can remember, I haven’t felt like I belonged to this world. I was bullied for most of my childhood, something that followed me well into adulthood before I truly started fighting back. And because of a life full of
regret, that feeling of never belonging, I set out to destroy myself pretty early on. Living a life out of control, with carelessness, I came very close to succeeding in doing just that many times. So a few years ago, when faced with the result of those years of neglect, of
refusing to love myself, I confided in Heather all of my truths.
Back then I weighed near 350 pounds (more depending on what scale I used). I felt near my end, and mentally I was completely broken. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I contemplated my end daily. I still do.
Back then I weighed near 350 pounds (more depending on what scale I used). I felt near my end, and mentally I was completely broken. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I contemplated my end daily. I still do.
It has been a long, hard battle to find myself again, and even now I waver at times. Some days I just don’t feel very strong. And if I’m being honest, the events of these last couple of years, the politics and the virus, seeing how people treat each other in light of it all,
nearly ruined all of my progress. I’m proud to say I’m back on track as of today.
It’s hard to separate yourself from it all, to see the light through the darkness. And believe me, it’s all dark all of the time. But I’m happy to say that since I began my journey back from the
It’s hard to separate yourself from it all, to see the light through the darkness. And believe me, it’s all dark all of the time. But I’m happy to say that since I began my journey back from the
edge a few years back (excluding much of what happened most recently), I’m feeling much better. I am now hovering around 270, riding my stationary bike as I write this in an attempt to break into the 260s (a weight I have not seen since my late twenties). Mentally, I’m still
quite vulnerable, but I have a cast of friends, and of course Heather (my best friend), who have offered incredible advice over the years. And I’m quite thankful for every bit of it. You know who you are. Thank you.
For those who struggle with similar issues, please know that
For those who struggle with similar issues, please know that
you can beat this. I have spent a lifetime unhappy, struggling to see the joy in anything. But I’m starting to learn to love myself. Talk to your friends, to anyone who will listen. But be prepared for the hard work. It’s a rocky road, but it’s well worth the travel.
I’m here for you if you need me.
