I& #39;m really glad I have finally figured out a lot of the self care that actually helps my body

But I& #39;m still perpetually wrestling with the part of my brain that thinks knowing better ways to care for myself = all flares are somehow my fault for not doing self-care perfectly

My brain: this good thing that happened is completely luck and also you probably don& #39;t deserve it

Also my brain: this bad thing that happened is 100% your fault

I just. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤷" title="Mit Schultern zuckende Person" aria-label="Emoji: Mit Schultern zuckende Person">

At this point, I am so used to this reflexive jerk brain response that I am just sort of like "yeah yeah I& #39;m the worst, whatever, can we think about something else now"

But when I& #39;m really overwhelming...not so much

Anyway, in case you need to hear this today as well:

Sometimes flares just happen because *that& #39;s how chronic illnesses work* (also MH stuff, other disabilities, etc)

To quote Mary Oliver:
"You do not have to walk on your knees/
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting"

Also, sometimes I make the choice to "overdo it" even though I know I will pay with a flare later

And it& #39;s my body. I& #39;m allowed to make that choice!

Ideally no one would *have* to make that choice to survive, but in an ideal world we have bodily autonomy so yes it& #39;s your choice