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Guys, this is worth your 1:48 if only to observe how some women respond when they feel uncomfortable. It may seem counterintuitive to men, but women often react to discomfort by becoming *more* polite & conciliatory. Don& #39;t read it as agreement. https://twitter.com/chris_notcapn/status/1387756701525422087">https://twitter.com/chris_not...
The logic& #39;s simple: As a class, men outmatch women physically & in aggression. When men are in position of authority--whether by age or role--this affect is augmented. Direct confrontation is not an option for women so we must get out of uncomfortable situations thru other means.
Why point this out? If you& #39;re a man in leadership or just want to be a good friend or Xian brother to women in your life, recognize how a woman& #39;s response to the same situation could look completely different to yours. Read her actions as coming from a *woman* not as from a man.
When threatened, a woman& #39;s defense posture often won& #39;t look like defense to you b/c it& #39;s not direct. She might actually look like she& #39;s agreeing w/ you. In reality, she& #39;s trying to extricate herself thru politeness that soothes the perceived threat long enough to make an escape
I& #39;m an ennegram 8 & probably one of most direct women you& #39;ll ever meet & I still do this. When a situation w/ a man becomes uncomfortable--for whatever reason--I become *more* polite & affirming of him. I& #39;m not encouraging him. I& #39;m trying to delay until I can find a way out.
Now imagine how hard this would be for young women & women whose personalities aren& #39;t as... um... intense as mine. What you see as politeness is actually discomfort.
More broadly speaking, this phenomenon can also happen in communication w/ GOOD men. Discomfort can arise from something as simple as not feeling heard or seen. You& #39;re not a threat but something is.
When a woman begins to shut down, when she& #39;s suddenly quiet or polite w/ you, when she& #39;s not speaking her mind, there& #39;s likely a reason. Don& #39;t settle for perceived agreement.
Don& #39;t misunderstand: It& #39;s not your job to read her mind. But you do need to learn to be curious. Learn to recognize that something& #39;s happening & do your best to create conditions that allow her to speak what she needs to speak--*especially* if it& #39;s disagreement.
You need to hear her disagreement precisely b/c it& #39;s a view you don& #39;t have. You need the benefit of a complementary perspective.
Obviously, the video that initiated this thread represents an unhealthy encounter. But the young woman& #39;s reaction is significant & can better inform your attempts at healthy ones.
