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Columbo voice: "So, you& #39;re telling me you& #39;ve heard the tale of Darth Plagueis the Wise? Huh! Now ain& #39;t that somethin& #39;? My nephew, he& #39;s a Jedi Padawan, and he tells me: that& #39;s a tale the Jedi wouldn& #39;t tell you." *pause, in thought* "So gee, how& #39;d you hear it, then?"
"Oh I meant no offense, honest! I& #39;m just trying to figure out... you see, these things, they bother me! You& #39;re telling me, a bounty hunter hired another bounty hunter, which sent a droid, which sent some poisonous worms through... a window, you say? All to assassinate a senator?"
"Jedi Master Sifo Dyas. Now I don& #39;t mean to pry, but he died about 10 years ago. So how did he commission this clone army? All these clones running around, they& #39;re all the same, it& #39;s tough for me to tell & #39;em apart. My wife though, she loves that one... Captain Rex, isn& #39;t it?"
"Yes dear. Oh yes. I& #39;ll get it. Yup. Bye now. That was my wife, she& #39;s such a big fan of your work, Mrs. Amidala. Oh, my apologies, *Miss* Amidala. You& #39;re sure you& #39;re not married? Boy, that& #39;s a shock! Any fella would be lucky to have you. You know, I just met that Anakin fella..."
"I& #39;ll tell ya, this is a saberdart, laced with poison. Now here& #39;s the thing, Mr... uhh, Fett: normally you can& #39;t trace these sorts of things, but this one? It& #39;s got these cuts on the side - they give it away instantly. Technology these days, huh?"
Jango: "I don& #39;t know anything about a Kaminoan saberdart."
Columbo: "Oh, I didn& #39;t say Kaminoan, now did I?"
Jango: "...You pay pretty close attention, don& #39;t you lieutenant?"
Columbo: "Oh, I didn& #39;t say Kaminoan, now did I?"
Jango: "...You pay pretty close attention, don& #39;t you lieutenant?"
"A blaster? Oh no sir, I don& #39;t carry a blaster around at all. I& #39;ll be honest, I don& #39;t like & #39;em. Too uncivilized."
"I know, you& #39;ve said you think sandpeople murdered them. But here& #39;s the thing, sir, these tracks - they& #39;re side-by-side. Tusken Raiders always ride single-file to hide their numbers. Tusken Raiders didn& #39;t do this. But! ...We& #39;re meant to *think* they did. And I wanna know why."
Special Edition version of this tweet:
"Are you accusing me of lying, lieutenant?!"
"Oh no sir, not at all! It& #39;s just, these things, they bother me! These holocrons, they& #39;re tough nut to crack. And you know what? The only way you can open one is with the Force. So all I wanna know is: how& #39;d you know what was on it?"
"Oh no sir, not at all! It& #39;s just, these things, they bother me! These holocrons, they& #39;re tough nut to crack. And you know what? The only way you can open one is with the Force. So all I wanna know is: how& #39;d you know what was on it?"
"Oh! I& #39;m reading these Republic trade regulations. Not very exciting, you wouldn& #39;t be interested in it. Unless, you know, you& #39;re really into trade blockades, that sort of thing. These Trade Federations are really rough fellas, I wouldn& #39;t wanna mess with them, Mr. Palpatine, sir."
"Every step of the way, you always seem to have the answers, Mr. Palpatine. I guess that& #39;s why you& #39;re the Chancellor of the whole Republic, huh? *clasps hands together* Well, thanks for your time.
...Oh, just one more thing, sir: does the name Sidious ring a bell by any chance?"
...Oh, just one more thing, sir: does the name Sidious ring a bell by any chance?"
Here& #39;s a little pit stop in the thread for my favorite Columbo screencap.
Also if you can help me out with a big vet bill I have, I& #39;d greatly appreciate it! https://www.gofundme.com/f/paying-off-maxs-vet-bill-fund">https://www.gofundme.com/f/paying-...
"Now Mr. Tarkin, I understand you& #39;re a military man & all. You don& #39;t wanna talk business, I get it. I just gotta know, where& #39;d you get your cooling system at? My wife& #39;s been begging me to get a new one. Yours is magnificent! Runs perfectly! Does it have a thermal exhaust port?"
"Now I& #39;m not trying to be cruel, Mr. Binks, but according to this there& #39;s no reason Chancellor Palpatine couldn& #39;t have done this without the emergency senatorial powers you granted him."
"Yousa saying, meesa been tricksed?!"
"Yes Mr. Binks, I& #39;m afraid so."
"Yousa saying, meesa been tricksed?!"
"Yes Mr. Binks, I& #39;m afraid so."
Alright, here& #39;s the capper for today: I just spent an hour editing together the beginning of Episode II as if it were a Columbo intro. Hoping you enjoy!
my only dream left in life now is for @rianjohnson to see these tweets and at least get a little chuckle out of them 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😆" title="Lächelndes Gesicht mit geöffnetem Mund und fest verschlossenen Augen" aria-label="Emoji: Lächelndes Gesicht mit geöffnetem Mund und fest verschlossenen Augen">
one step closer
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all of these tweets are made out of a deep, deep love and appreciation for both Star Wars and Columbo/Peter Falk
"Oh boy, he& #39;s a big fella, isn& #39;t he? You& #39;re sure you can take him on, Mr. Dooku sir? I certainly wouldn& #39;t be in here when you set him loose. Oh, my apologies, you won& #39;t be fighting him, I see. I see. So who will be? Wouldn& #39;t happen to be that Skywalker guy, would it?"
"Excuse me... sorry... pardon me... Uh, hello? Is there anyone here who could direct me to a... *looks at notepad, blaster fire whizzes past ear unbeknownst to the lieutenant* ...a Mr. Jango Fett? Mr. Jango Fett, anyone?"
"Here& #39;s the thing, Mr. Kenobi. You were sent here to catch General Grevious. Awful guy, I get it. But you were sent here by Palpatine. And he& #39;s got a lot of good reasons to keep you away from Coruscant right now. Number one? Anakin Skywalker - who& #39;s about to go to the dark side."
"Oh uh, I& #39;m really sorry, I don& #39;t mean to pry, but uh... I just happened to end up in the back of your ship as you left Mrs. Amidala, well, I guess that& #39;s Mrs. Skywalker now. *pause* And, you see, it sure does seem like you& #39;re about to make a very bad decision, Mr. Skywalker."
Anakin: "You& #39;ve turned her against me!"
Columbo: "No, Mr. Skywalker, I& #39;m afraid that you& #39;ve done that yourself."
Columbo: "No, Mr. Skywalker, I& #39;m afraid that you& #39;ve done that yourself."
"Now this Chancellor Palpatine is a wry fellow, a politician of dubious integrity. For a man like him to jump upon this Clone Army with such verve and vigor, it renders the mind skeptical of his true intentions. I suspect his goal is much more nefarious than we might realize."
...wait.
