Ah yes. It& #39;s...that time of year, isn& #39;t it? Made worse by the pandemic and feeling like a stain on society.

I think I& #39;d rather be in my bed at home hugging my blacklight foxy plush, petting a 16 year old cat with separation anxiety and late night yells.

Instead I& #39;m in the living room at mom& #39;s, on the futon that nearly broke my bank (and my sanity when I realized I bought just a mattress and needed to buy a frame), glancing at a kitten who doesn& #39;t give a shit about me and would rather tear up my arm than let me pet her.

Sometimes I wish I& #39;d died instead of dad. At least mom would be happy and I wouldn& #39;t feel like I& #39;m a waste of breath.

I feel like I don& #39;t matter and it doesn& #39;t help that instead of reaching out an asking for help, I let it fester because "others have it so much worse than" me. Even me making this thread will probably be glanced over because those who interact with me are asleep

And others have me muted or whatever, I don& #39;t even care anymore.

I& #39;ll probably feel like this for all of tomorrow, probably the rest of the holiday season as usual.

Suppose it makes sense now why I& #39;ve been staying up past midnight and waking up after 10am now.