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Truly fascinated by everyone& #39;s takes on gender & rhetoric in last night& #39;s VP debate.
Also a bit unnerved, tbh.
Also a bit unnerved, tbh.
I am a woman who has zero ability to control my physical & facial responses in conversation. I& #39;m direct & expect other people to be as well.
This has gotten me into more trouble in my life than I like to admit. It& #39;s also been a benefit at times. I& #39;m still trying to learn how to anticipate the difference.
B/c I believe in embodiment, I also believe that our bodies & biological sex signal things to people. They see us & anticipate certain behaviors. When we don& #39;t deliver what they expect, they& #39;re confused. (PSA: People don& #39;t like to be confused.)
In some cases, this confusion is resolved by being "pleasantly surprised." I& #39;ve experienced this reaction from some readers & interlocutors. (I.e. "You don& #39;t talk or think like I expect a woman to talk or think. You& #39;re more XYZ & that& #39;s more comfortable to me.")
In other cases, the confusion is resolved by assigning blame to the one who doesn& #39;t act as we expect. The woman is rude, a snob, cold, distant, disdainful, etc. (I.e. "You don& #39;t talk or think like I expect a woman to talk or think. Something& #39;s wrong w/ you.")
Gender norms in communication are very real & heaven help those of us who go against them.
Obviously, I& #39;m speaking from my own experience as a white woman in generally conservative spaces. But even here, I& #39;ve struggled to understand & be understood. Imagine the extent to which race & political affiliation execerbates this.
All that to say, if you& #39;re confident you can read someone& #39;s body language or tone of voice & assign a particular motive to it, stop it.
None of us are objective. We interpret other people& #39;s actions based on a whole host of factors that may/may not have anything to do w/ intent.
None of us are objective. We interpret other people& #39;s actions based on a whole host of factors that may/may not have anything to do w/ intent.
(I& #39;m sorry. Was that too direct?)
