TW: cancer, surgery, death

My dad has been dealing with cancer for over two years and today he& #39;s having major surgery to remove his bladder and probably colon, which hopefully will get rid of all the cancer. He& #39;s in his 70s now and the risk is ... High. [1/n]

Wife and I took kiddo up to see him -- possibly for the last time -- and I& #39;ve been basically just going between numb and crying for the last few days. Now I& #39;m home and he& #39;s in surgery and I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. [2/n]

I want to just sleep, but that seems increasingly unlikely. I wish someone else was in crisis so I had to focus on helping them, because that& #39;s so much more natural to me. Ugh. This thread has no point, just ... Things suck right now, with a looming question mark. [3/n]

Over the next 12 hours of surgery and maybe the coming days, I& #39;ll know if the suck is going to go way down or if it& #39;s about to ramp up to levels I& #39;ve never known. Either way, I& #39;m sick of crying in random parking lots and I& #39;m glad to be crying at home. [4/4]