Thread by @yoongisguitar, i think it bears saying and repeating that whatever people say about [...]

i think it bears saying and repeating that whatever people say about suicide and mental health issues in ITB, the issues do not stem from its system

systematically, ITB is one of the best, if not *the* best, university in indonesia to address mental illnesses. they have BK kampus as early as the mid-2010s (not sure about anything earlier than that lol!! i& #39;m young!!), and now they& #39;ve partnered with a hospital to-

subsidize medical therapy sessions for students.

now my experience is obviously not universal, but i think i can safely say that a considerable amount of lecturers here genuinely care about their students. and if they don& #39;t, they recognise that a lot of students here-

don& #39;t really have their heads firmly screwed to their necks. like, meltdowns were already a thing in the 90s, when they were undergrads. they know this is A Thing. and so some of them do try to make it easier for their students!

i& #39;m not gonna speak for other lecturers under whom i did not study, but here& #39;s what i experience:
- DEADLINE EXTENSIONS. tell me ONE indonesian university who gives you deadline extensions because your serotonin production& #39;s fucked the week before.

i& #39;ve seen too many collegefess menfesses with lecturers blocking their undergrads for breathing the wrong way for me to doubt that.
- no yelling. so i admit that this may look unrealistic, but i am crazy. like, have attempted suicide and only failed because people

found me or i miscalculated my overdose kind of crazy. and i told my lecturers and advisors about that. and guess what! they understood! they understood i have debilitating anxiety disorder. so they don& #39;t get mad at me when i fuck up or when i panic during

presentations - they just tell me to get some air for five minutes and come back to re-explain my answer. you think you can do this at your uni? you think your dosen penguji won& #39;t just eat you alive?
- okay so this one is extremely subjective and personal but i do think it& #39;s

worth sharing: lecturers and advisors who genuinely care. like, genuinely. they ask me why i haven& #39;t been showing up to class (executive dysfunction), and when i don& #39;t answer because honestly i& #39;m a piece of shit who doesn& #39;t understand how to accept help, they -

don& #39;t judge. like, at least if they do judge, they do it somewhere i am completely not privy to. (i trust they genuinely don& #39;t judge, though.) they just tell me to take make-up exams and that i have nothing to be afraid of.

man.

basically i feel like the good lecturers at ITB just want their undergrads to pass and graduate. they want their students to be able to complete their courses& #39; outlines and goals, and if there& #39;s a problem they& #39;ll be more than happy to help fix that.

i think this is also because, more than any anecdotal lecturer i see crop up online in frustrated undergrad posts mainly about skripsi, ITB lecturers trust their students. they trust that when their students say they& #39;re ill, then they& #39;re ill.

as a diagnosed mentally ill person i experience day to day how hard it is to get people to believe that my brain& #39;s genuinely fucked, imbalanced in a way that makes me unable to function the way normal people do. and the fact that my lecturers just straight up believe me -

i don& #39;t think i& #39;ll ever forget that.

now, even after everything i said above, my single experience does not erase the pain other mentally ill students - undergrad, grad, or postgrad - or any part of the academic body experience.

some of you guys do not get help, some of you guys do not get the support system you deserved. for some it might even be too late.

but it doesn& #39;t always have to be like that.

i can& #39;t guarantee it& #39;ll always work, but it& #39;s always worth a try to ask for help.

people won& #39;t always understand, and there are some who may be stuck in the old ways of masochistic self-punishment in the name of discipline, but i& #39;m sure they don& #39;t represent the entirety.

i know that this pressure cooker experience of a school that-

-threatens to snap your back in half isn& #39;t systematic, it& #39;s socially constructed. it& #39;s your classmates and you cutting throats and stepping toes as early as fucking TPB to get a seat at your coveted major. it& #39;s some assholes in your cohort who literally -

refuse to share notes with anyone that is not part of the circle they just formed at the osjur you skipped half of because you& #39;re too busy staring at the wall of your room thinking about death and intrusive traumatic triggers.

but i promise - especially to freshmen -

- that not everyone is like that. it& #39;s not gonna be easy, finding people to talk to and especially tearing down your own ego that you don& #39;t need to be helped, or your shitty self-esteem that believes you are beyond saving, but try.

i did not try for years and it ate me alive.

but when i finally did try to ask for help, and try to put in grueling effort to at least make myself feel like i& #39;m more worthy of being pulled out of murky waters, i found kind people. kind classmates, who peer tutor and upload walkthroughs.

kind classmates, who knock at my door and do not judge when i can& #39;t speak and can& #39;t eat. kind lecturers, who directed me right away to a list of therapists to choose from.

so maybe, this can happen to you, too.

maybe you don& #39;t have to choose between a chance at good education and your sanity. maybe you can find people you can compromise with and say, "we& #39;re probably not gonna get a B on this because my brain sucks," and they& #39;ll tell you, "nah, we can learn this, i believe in you".

maybe my IRLs will find me and think about this thread later when my anxiety acts up again, because it& #39;s covid season and i& #39;m running out of money to refill my meds. maybe they& #39;ll wonder why i& #39;m two years into SSRI, still thinking about death at 3am on a school week.

but this time i& #39;m thinking about the people whose colleagues in their professions in other unis choose to shut out their undergrads, and they choose to encourage me. and i feel like maybe i really did enroll to the right institute after all.

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