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so I wanted to write a bit on this past week, before I& #39;m back to being consumed by the world of studying once more
after spending like 2 months trying to disconnect from the group of friends which used to mean the world to me, I was back around, and while this was done in hope -
after spending like 2 months trying to disconnect from the group of friends which used to mean the world to me, I was back around, and while this was done in hope -
to take away from the importance of everything, (by not having it a thing to "avoid in all cost" but rather to say that it doesn& #39;t matter if I& #39;m there or not)
it still clearly has a lot of importance, which might not be a good thing for me?
it still clearly has a lot of importance, which might not be a good thing for me?
what was really hard for me being away is the feeling that I was not only brought down by the thing that bothered me, but that I also lost everything around it
it didn& #39;t take me long to regret leaving, but I never allowed myself to come back, out of mine (+other& #39;s?) expectations
it didn& #39;t take me long to regret leaving, but I never allowed myself to come back, out of mine (+other& #39;s?) expectations
I was trying to convince myself that these are just people, and people come and go so it& #39;s okay to let go of them
but at the same time these people had such a great room in my heart, so much that I can& #39;t tell if that& #39;s why I need to let go of them, or if that& #39;s why it& #39;s stupid to
but at the same time these people had such a great room in my heart, so much that I can& #39;t tell if that& #39;s why I need to let go of them, or if that& #39;s why it& #39;s stupid to
I feel really conflicted about how much they mean to me
both in sense of being possibly bad for me for being unable to maintain the connections, and I feel really bad that I "prefer" them on other people in a way
what makes them seem so special? wasn& #39;t it the problem all along?
both in sense of being possibly bad for me for being unable to maintain the connections, and I feel really bad that I "prefer" them on other people in a way
what makes them seem so special? wasn& #39;t it the problem all along?
still, I am glad I came back, it helped me feel better about everything, what I know wouldn& #39;t have happened otherwise
and I do know that being forced to not be around for most of the time is going to free me from some of the chains of FOMO I was verrry trapped in originally
and I do know that being forced to not be around for most of the time is going to free me from some of the chains of FOMO I was verrry trapped in originally
and while some things still weigh me down, some mindsets and thoughts I& #39;m yet to escape, problems I can& #39;t solve, people I wish to talk to but don& #39;t know how
I hope maybe things will go more naturally, if it& #39;s about building or losing relationship, just not forcing it
I hope maybe things will go more naturally, if it& #39;s about building or losing relationship, just not forcing it
this is still all quite messy, and me trying to simply point out and overcome my flaws just doesn& #39;t seem to be a such a straightforward process
I just know it feels stupid to lose people for the sake of being too scared of losing them
and I hope I will reach a balance eventually
I just know it feels stupid to lose people for the sake of being too scared of losing them
and I hope I will reach a balance eventually
