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So, let me share this thread to you. I don& #39;t know if it& #39;s funny or what, but it& #39;s really dumb. So here goes.
Last night I was already aiming for sleep, it was already very late. It& #39;s almost 4 in the morning when I thought about harry styles on ellen& #39;s burning questions where she asked what was harry& #39;s greatest fear (something like that) and he answered & #39;dying& #39;–
At first I kinda smiled because I remembered his face when he said & #39;that was dark& #39; (really, that& #39;s funny). Anyway, like what I was saying, I was thinking about that then I thought, maybe if I also have people who loves me so much, money to buy what I want, people who value me–
And such amazing artistry maybe I will also fear death. (It& #39;s not that I& #39;m not scared, it& #39;s just that I don& #39;t put so much thought about it. Everyone dies, even if they don& #39;t want to.) Then I remembered what my friend told me about her friends sister. The kid, (she& #39;s, I think, 14)
Okay, so the kid got her heart broken and hung herself. When her brother found her, she& #39;s barely alive but her condition& #39;s not good. She died that day and her last word were & #39;I& #39;m scared& #39;.
And this is where it got worse. At first I thought of her condition like, & #39;is she okay now?& #39; & #39;Did she regret it?& #39; And & #39;WHERE IS SHE NOW?& #39; from that, it goes to, & #39;where does the soul of people who died goes?& #39; (yeah, it got pretty far.)
I even started questioning things that people believe in. Like the existence of heaven and hell, and even reincarnation. (I& #39;m so sorry about this.) I thought, what if this life is the only life I will get to live? What if I died not being able to do what I want to do? What if–
–I die tommorow? What about those who are born with disabilities? It& #39;s kinda unfair for them, isn& #39;t it? (Please, don& #39;t get me wrong. My friends told me I intend to overthink things so much. I& #39;m sorry.) What about the babies who died on birth?
Really, I can& #39;t control my thoughts when I start thinking. It just gets further and further and then at the end, I& #39;ll end up feeling bad then just start to cry.(At this point, I feel like I& #39;m questioning God. I feel like I was betraying him by having these thoughts.) I& #39;m already–
Starting to feel small, because of that. I& #39;m ashamed and just started to shed tears. I& #39;m muttering & #39;sorry& #39; and & #39;please forgive me& #39; over and over. I feel so bad.
Then my sister who sleeps beside me, rolled over and nuzzled in my shoulder and that& #39;s when I snapped out of it. I laughed realizing what just happened and I thought, & #39;harry styles, I blame you.& #39;
End of thread.
