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Okay so I& #39;m gonna put this out there but it& #39;s a discussion of my trash fire mental health so, y& #39;know, mute if you need <3
We& #39;re kind of staring down the barrel of the holiday season, and I& #39;m terrified.
My mental health right now is absolutely in the toilet. Just in the shitter. Just worse than it& #39;s been in.... seven years or so?
My mental health right now is absolutely in the toilet. Just in the shitter. Just worse than it& #39;s been in.... seven years or so?
a thing happened back then and my brain has not been That Bad since so I thought, I dared hope, I would never feel this way again. But it& #39;s gnarly.
I& #39;m not a suicide risk for a variety of reasons but a lot of those reasons are my family. I used to spend at least one weekend a month with the fam. Now when I do see them I& #39;m consumed with terror that I& #39;m going to be their infection vector.
ANYWAY. Historically, for some reason, NYE is the worst day of the year for me. Worse than the anniversary of the sexual assault I think of as "the big one" (though that& #39;s coming up, yikes)
If I DO spend Christmas with my family, I don& #39;t think I& #39;ll be able to justify NYE to myself. And I& #39;m not going out, so... I& #39;m gonna be alone on the worst day.
and idk. idk what happens then. that unknown scares the shit out of me.
I kind of want to tell funny-sad stories of how fucked up I& #39;ve been on NYE past because I can& #39;t handle that day at all for some reason (I& #39;ve had a couple good ones but the grand scheme is much more "gets into a bar fight and vomits" than game night/costumes/fireworks)
anyway idk I just wanted to be like, perhaps it is time to worry, and also I have no idea how to prepare myself for this inevitability.
shoutout to Floydd for coming to sit on me while I drafted this thread, truly the realest of ones.
live look @ my brain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q">https://www.youtube.com/watch...
