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I feel like my life is stagnate despite trying so hard and I feel like a complete fuck up in almost every social regard that I& #39;m starting to lose my sense of identity in who I really am and wanna portray. I feel like that that just leads to a negative self-fulling prophecy.
I genuinely struggle with people saying they like me or accepting that I& #39;m cool and it almost makes me feel afraid.
I feel like I have to act a certain way and be a certain way and I don& #39;t do well in larger groups. And then I become less in control and get anxious and feel less in control and more anxious.
I used to deflect compliments because they made me feel uncomfortable due to the abuse I went through when I was younger. Then I stopped accepting them out of humility. And now I stopped accepting them because, like, I feel like there& #39;s an expectation for me that I don& #39;t know.
Like, am I who I am? Or what others want me to be? What do others want from me?
This thread is probably going to make me feel worse.
I don& #39;t wanna invest time or effort into others (even though I do and will). I don& #39;t wanna invest time into myself. I don& #39;t wanna invest time and effort in general even though I& #39;m continually doing and receiving rejection and dejection in return.
Everything feels so draining....
