wish i didnt stop myself from fully feeling an emotion,,,
like im jus emotionally edging myself,,, it doesnt even feel good,, i jus feel worse afterwards,,,
i want to fully experience any kind of emotion,,, whether it be happy sad angry,,, literally anything,,,
i dont even remember being genuinely happy,,, im tired of faking everything,,, i have no one around me,,, and im too old to depend on someone emotionally,,,
nor can i bring myself to depend on someone emotionally bc ive never done that before,,, i want ppl to know im not ok w/o them tiptoeing around me,,,
being lonely sucks,,, i cant even cry when i want to bc a certain person starts telling about how i & #39;always get what i want& #39;
i cant talk to aunts about how i feel when they& #39;re the closet thing to me,,, even tho i only talk to them every teo weeks,,, and when i am with them im just a baby,,,
wish i had an older sibling to watch over me,,, wish i was a priority to someone,,, all i have is my grandma,, but what do i do when shes gone,,, shes the main reason im still here,,,
i know i can talk my feelings out w some ppl but its sucks when you know they have their own lives to worry about,,, so instead i come here and rant to 1500 ppl even tho only 2 of you see it,,,
idk im getting tired,,, my head is all over the place,, and i cant remember the rest of the stuff i wanted to say,,, i was finally in a somewhat good mood today,,, idk what happened to get me like this