Read on Twitter
Only just happened upon this thread which I think you should read because it is very good. I don& #39;t disagree with any of it but I would like to add a couple of points to it: https://twitter.com/dadthatwrites/status/1281668966885158912">https://twitter.com/dadthatwr...
First is to point out that boys (& men) don& #39;t simply choose to be like this. Gender is collectively socialised & the problem is the socialisation, not the subject, so I think if we want to *do* something about this, it& #39;s no good to say to individual boys "don& #39;t be like this" >
We should be saying to ourselves "let& #39;s not make boys like this." At the heart of this problem is that the socialisation of masculinity is a process of brutalisation, learning to suck it up, not to cry, all of that, but above all >
learning not to disclose any weakness or vulnerability because if you do IT WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU. Consequently each act of & #39;toughness& #39;, each denial of emotion, each "I& #39;m fine" becomes a little plate of armour covering a weak spot, >
& by the time you& #39;re a grown man you& #39;re clunking around like a medieval knight in emotional full plate armour which makes you bugger all use for anything but at least you *feel* safe. >
How do we prevent that? We have to ensure kids (boys, specifically) don& #39;t face those negative consequences for opening themselves up, emotionally. We need to respond with warmth & compassion, not cynicism or contempt when they do, >
Parents need to learn that WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING THEY& #39;RE DOING IT they typically take significantly longer to attend to a crying baby boy than they do to a crying baby girl & that this has lasting impacts. >
We need to understand & build on progress we& #39;ve made with anti-bullying policies in school, expand & learn from them. If/when we talk about concepts like & #39;toxic masculinity& #39; we understand we& #39;re talking about a process of socialisation & brutalisation, not personal failings. >
And finally, for now, we need to catch ourselves on when we use gendered vulnerabilities against boys & men of all ages. Recognise that when we make jokes about inadequate men having small dicks etc, we are playing a tune that is profoundly, intensely patriarchal & corrosive. >
And yeah (gestures vaguely at my friends on the left) when we play that meme & #39;she& #39;s turned the weans against us& #39; or & #39;sorry your wife left you& #39; then we are using profoundly gendered male vulnerabilities as a weapon in ways that directly impact upon cultures of male suicide.
And with that, tl;dr
1/ If we understand that gender is a social construct, we must also understand that reforming gender is a social project.
2/ We spend too much time talking about how boys are brutes, and far too little thinking about how boys are brutalised.
/ENDS
1/ If we understand that gender is a social construct, we must also understand that reforming gender is a social project.
2/ We spend too much time talking about how boys are brutes, and far too little thinking about how boys are brutalised.
/ENDS
