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Can I just talk about how tiring allies can be sometimes?
It& #39;s not that I don& #39;t love and appreciate y& #39;all for trying because I do but stuff like this is EXHAUSTING.
If you want to learn then read the thread.
It& #39;s not that I don& #39;t love and appreciate y& #39;all for trying because I do but stuff like this is EXHAUSTING.
If you want to learn then read the thread.
I spend far too much time listening to people tell me all about how strange and new and confusing my existence is. I really shouldn& #39;t have to explain why that& #39;s hurtful - it& #39;s alienating. It makes us feel like freaks.
I get it online a lot, basically anytime I talk about my transness. But I& #39;m here to educate so I try to roll with that.
It also happens in real life. Constantly.
It also happens in real life. Constantly.
I am happy to help and I& #39;m happy to answer questions because I do want to help you learn. But please understand how much energy that takes up.
Just ask your question and listen to the answer. Don& #39;t expect me to comfort you about how it& #39;s okay to be confused on top of that.
Just ask your question and listen to the answer. Don& #39;t expect me to comfort you about how it& #39;s okay to be confused on top of that.
And I can& #39;t even say *super politely* "please don& #39;t tell me how weird I am, it& #39;s hurtful!" without being dragged into a loop of comforting you about how you& #39;re doing such a great job and i appreciate it so much!!
Why do I have to be grateful to you for you seeing me as human?
Why do I have to be grateful to you for you seeing me as human?
When I politely correct allies the same thing happens - you just start telling me over and over "I get that! But I& #39;m learning! Tell me how great I am and how you appreciate me!"
You don& #39;t "get that." Because you& #39;re not listening, you& #39;re just trying to prove you& #39;re good.
You don& #39;t "get that." Because you& #39;re not listening, you& #39;re just trying to prove you& #39;re good.
If you actually listened to what I was saying and thought about it AT ALL you& #39;d realise I wasn& #39;t attacking you in any way - I& #39;m just trying to share how I feel with you and how the way you talk about me makes me feel.
(I mean you see those screenshots. If I was rude to that person by all means tell me but I think I was pretty kind and nice! And yet she just keeps repeating "but I& #39;m learning" "but everyone else said they appreciated it" "I would think that you& #39;d be happy")
And yes of course it& #39;s fine to be confused or whatever, I do understand that a lot of this is new for a lot of people - but maybe talk about that confusion in a different space rather than constantly bringing it up to trans people.
You can be confused without needing to tell us all about it. I just want to live my fucking life, I don& #39;t need to hear about how hard it is for you to see me as me. Stop making us feel like we& #39;re so alien. We& #39;re just fucking people.
And the reason I say "allies" specifically when I& #39;m talking about this is because... This kind of ally seems to make it a waaaay bigger deal than it actually needs to be. You overthink it and end up making things uncomfortable.
