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I was in therapy for 10 sessions in 2018 due to the impact of this exact way of living for 20+ years. I have all my personal past and stories to tell you why this mindset would have a high chance of causing inner child wound. But I’m too tired to explain. https://twitter.com/granitaa_/status/1297404985349529601">https://twitter.com/granitaa_...
My point is not “lawan orang tua”, and you can’t demand your parents to heal the damage they’ve caused to your inner child. You gotta consciously be a new parent to your inner child and apologize to what they’ve been experiencing. You can only break the chain. And it takes a lot.
Even writing this makes me tired. If you agree with that mindset, up to you. But you will continue that cycle to your children without even realizing it. Being the main caregiver does not make you in high-pedestal. It demands you to establish a healthy two-way communcation.
I’m not gonna make a long thread, just these two pages from Philippa Perry’s “How To Stay Sane” will help you understand tremendously how the unfortunate circumstances of our caregivers not knowing better can cause you a great deal. May these help.
Thank you everyone for sharing and opening about feeling similar feelings. I want to reiterate a few things. I don’t blame my parents. I appreciate what they’ve provided for me growing up and I’m forever grateful for their love where they walked the talk.
My therapist helped me realize: My parents were also people who struggled and tried their best to figure out parenting. And I came to understand that they might also have unresolved inner child wound from their parents; which proceeded to me. This awareness was my golden ticket.
The damage is done, I understand what might be the cause, the difficulty I’m facing as the result, but my therapist said that things are possible to be better for me and possibly my children if I’m willing to make right by it.
In 2018 my therapist guided me to reconnect with my inner child, become a self-parent to him (little ryan),taught me to apologize by validating all the things, feelings, and emotions that were often dismissed by my parents. I’m tearing up writing this but I believe it’s valuable.
In 2019 I slowly try to sustain my efforts to calm my inner child and find ways to be present for him. In 2020 I found my best way: komik strip #Ryandanryan. It’s a safe space, a world, and a statement I’m telling him - that I acknowledge him and I didn’t abandon him.
Ryan dan ryan was my way of telling little r that whatever our parents couldn’t give us, I’m trying my best to give it to him now. With my limited ways and the time that I have. It helped me tremendously. It helped us.
If you’ve been following me for as long as I’ve been tweeting, 11 years, you most definitely witnessed A HUGE SHIFT on how I handle myself and how I position myself in this world. You might remember my snarkier, angrier, meaner tweets. And today you witness the calmer Ryan?
It’s because little r slowly feels validated, valued, listened. That’s all it is. r lashed out his contempt and his anger toward our parents in a form of 2009-2015 Adriandhy twitter as a channel. He no longer needs to because 2020 R gave him what he needed trough a comic strip.
Again, I hope this short thread can mean and be a value of something to someone. I know the convenience isn’t always there, but if you’re AWARE that something’s not right, and you’re able, seek out help. I vouch for it wholeheartedly.
Seeking help to feel better is the strongest thing anyone can do. Because you know there must be a way to fully feel yourself being matter to this place called life. Take care, everyone. Be gentle. 
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