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Someone give me depressed artist Dazai. Dazai who doesn& #39;t sleep or eat for days on end because he& #39;s busy painting something tragically beautiful. Give me a Dazai who finds his day job as an architect unfulfilling. Who is madly in love with his best friend, the model.
Or, he /should/ be a model, Dazai reminds him again and again. But Chuuya just laughs him off and shrugs and tells Dazai he& #39;ll model for him any time.
It takes a lot of courage before Dazai finally asks him to. When Chuuya shows up to his studio apartment +
It takes a lot of courage before Dazai finally asks him to. When Chuuya shows up to his studio apartment +
Dazai has body paints and a camera out. He& #39;s standing in the middle of the room, fiddling with his tripod and the lighting for the camera. He& #39;s covered in paints. Dark blues and blacks littering his body as if the sadness he feels daily is finally visible on his skin. +
Chuuya finds it eerie until Dazai snaps him out of his thoughts, pulling Chuuya over and having him strip down to nothing but a small pair of underwear. He begins to paint Chuuya. He starts by completely covering him in yellow. Chuuya is a light in his life stronger than +
The sun, and he wants him to shine. He adds red for his personality, white for how purely he loves, and hints of gold and glitter so he sparkles like a precious gem. Chuuya feels ridiculous but Dazai is adamant that he looks wonderful.
Once the camera is set up and ready, +
Once the camera is set up and ready, +
Dazai stands in front of it with him. Its set on a timer. Chuuya nervously laughs, unsure of what to do. But Dazai just tells him not to think, just react, and he& #39;ll be fine. He& #39;s not sure what that means, and he& #39;s about to say as much, but then Dazai is kissing him. +
Chuuya doesn& #39;t think. He just /reacts/ and kisses back. It& #39;s not hungry or full of lust, but it is somehow desperate and needy, and Chuuya feels Dazai surrendering his whole heart to him as their bodies press against each other, the paint mixing together on them both.
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+
Dazai pulls away hesitantly, eyes full of sadness as he looks down and the new bloack and blue spots that grace Chuuya& #39;s previously warm, happy colored body. The camera snaps again and it& #39;s the first time Chuuya notices, startling him out of the spell he was under.
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+
Neither one of them say anything about how intense the kiss had been, their first and /only/ kiss, as they go through the photos. Chuuya is forced to see himself the way Dazai sees him. Happy and bright. As they go through the photos it& #39;s clear that Dazai is desperate for +
Contact, and Chuuya is able to see the same desperation reflected within himself. As they pull away, Chuuya sees what Dazai feels. Chuuya looks tainted, corrupted from the brief contant, while Dazai walks away with a small bit of new found brightness.
The current Dazai is +
The current Dazai is +
Sitting beside him, biting his lip with worry. Chuuya has two options right now. He can choose to see this as just a work of art, tell Dazai it turned out beautiful, and ignore what just happened, or he can acknowledge it for what it really is.
A love confession. +
A love confession. +
He watches Dazai. He recognizes the nervousness there that no one else would, and he smiles.
"You know. I think this one is my favorite." He goes back to the photo when their lips first parted from the other& #39;s. They& #39;re still embraced, and looking at each other with so much +
"You know. I think this one is my favorite." He goes back to the photo when their lips first parted from the other& #39;s. They& #39;re still embraced, and looking at each other with so much +
Love and affection, despite the sloppy mix of paint and colors.
"Oh?" Dazai tries to not sound hopeful. "Why& #39;s that?"
Chuuya pauses, trying to think of what he wants to say, and it outs Dazai on edge.
"Because of our expressions."
"Huh?" Dazai blinks. "What does that have +
"Oh?" Dazai tries to not sound hopeful. "Why& #39;s that?"
Chuuya pauses, trying to think of what he wants to say, and it outs Dazai on edge.
"Because of our expressions."
"Huh?" Dazai blinks. "What does that have +
To do with the rest of it?"
"The rest of it doesn& #39;t matter to me, if you look at me like that."
Dazai is openly smiling now, bumping their shoulders together. "No? But the colors smeared so ugly. Wouldn& #39;t it matter over time?"
"Nah. Because those aren& #39;t your colors anyway." +
"The rest of it doesn& #39;t matter to me, if you look at me like that."
Dazai is openly smiling now, bumping their shoulders together. "No? But the colors smeared so ugly. Wouldn& #39;t it matter over time?"
"Nah. Because those aren& #39;t your colors anyway." +
"Eh? They& #39;re not? What colors do you see me as, then?"
Chuuya hums in response. "Red. White. Blue. Maybe yellow."
The confusion is visible on Dazai& #39;s face. "Why?"
"Because you& #39;re a fucking clown." He leans in and kisses his friend again. +
Chuuya hums in response. "Red. White. Blue. Maybe yellow."
The confusion is visible on Dazai& #39;s face. "Why?"
"Because you& #39;re a fucking clown." He leans in and kisses his friend again. +
"You could have just asked me to dinner like a normal person, you know. I would have said yes."
Dazai gasps, leaning in to the touch and kissing him again. "Is this a yes now?"
"Hell no. We& #39;re covered in paint now. We& #39;re gonna have to shower and by then it& #39;ll be too late +
Dazai gasps, leaning in to the touch and kissing him again. "Is this a yes now?"
"Hell no. We& #39;re covered in paint now. We& #39;re gonna have to shower and by then it& #39;ll be too late +
To go out. You& #39;ll have to settle for takeout."
Dazai laughs. It& #39;s contagious, and it makes Chuuya feel like he& #39;s melting and floating all at once. Because the truth is, if he had been the one to paint them, Dazai still would have been blue, and Chuuya would have been nothing +
Dazai laughs. It& #39;s contagious, and it makes Chuuya feel like he& #39;s melting and floating all at once. Because the truth is, if he had been the one to paint them, Dazai still would have been blue, and Chuuya would have been nothing +
But angry shades of red. And when they kissed the colors would have blended together perfectly into a calming green. Nothing seems important to him when they& #39;re together. Nothing besides this carefree laugh, these gentle touches, and those warm, brown eyes that look at him +
With more love than Chuuya ever thought was possible to see in another set of eyes.
Until he saw the same thing reflected in his own, in the photo in his hands.
Until he saw the same thing reflected in his own, in the photo in his hands.
