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thinking about how, now that using he/they pronouns and having a masc sounding name has helped with my social dysphoria a lil (at least online), i find that im still not super opposed to referring to myself as a woman or feminine, esp when it comes to discussing
things in my past that have inevitably shaped who i currently am, and to describe my current struggles as someone who is very much closeted and expected to perform some degree of femininity due to misogynistic patriarchal standards
like... obviously i do not want ppl i don& #39;t know well to gender me in that way? but it& #39;s like...if we& #39;re friends, if we& #39;ve talked abt certain topics together before, i don& #39;t mind this sort of thing to be mixed and matched interchangeably
since gender socialization is a fucking myth anyway, there& #39;s parts of my life that fit more of the narrow western/white conventions of boyhood, and parts that fit that of girlhood too, it& #39;s been really useless and distressing for me to decode that
as a person who IDs as genderfluid and has been nonbinary for as long as he& #39;s known of that term and how personal that can be to each individual that uses the label, and who, by white standards, isn& #39;t even capable of being
neatly lumped into either Feminine or Masculine regardless of their own preferences (which have been kinda grab-baggy anyway, ive been learning to pick and choose what i like that makes me comfortable).
i have no idea where i was going with this thread, might clarify some points later cuz i actually have been thinking quite a bit about this lately and it has been less uncomfy to do so compared to when i was trying so hard to be feminine in every way i thought i had to be
