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After Seeing people talk about sexual assault made me realise that trauma from my past that I have tried my hardest to forget and move on. But no matter how hard I try it still haunts me till this day. It’s like a part of your soul had been taken forever and I have a void that
won’t every be filled no matter how hard I try. My one and only wish is if I could just completely block it forever and just live a normal life. I never asked for it. His one selfish action that he probably he won’t remember would effect for rest of my life. I’ve never spoken up
and seeing all these girls tweet made me realise that I had felt so alone and kept it to my self for years. My best coping mechanism was to try my best to burry as far as I could. I guess I blamed my self then it happened again and again. Even though they were years apart it
still felt same soul crashing feeling as the first time. The first time it happened I was 6 years old I didn’t know better I was just a kid. I had gone to Somali for first time in my life. At the time I was playing outside the gates of the house we were staying at. I had left my
cousin and went to shop on my own which was 2 minute walk. On my may to shop there was a man who had grabbed me. At the time I barely knew Somali and I was born and raised in UK. But he had wanted me to follow him and when I refuse he had become more aggressive towards me. He
had grabbed my waist and was trying to unbutton his trousers this was in Conner just behind my house where no one had been walking past. Alhamudiliah his grip on to me had lossen and by time he had realised I had ran and screamed for my dear life luckily people walking so I guess
he never bothered to try run after me. From that day forwards my life had changed. At the time my mum had left us with family members and gone back home to UK. And I had just tried my best to be a child I guess I didn’t know any better the family members I had been staying with
were from back home and I guess I never felt like they understood me. So I did what I knew best and just tried to forget and have somewhat of childhood.The second time had happened back when I was back in UK. My cousin had been wanting to marry a cadan
She had bought him over to our house. I was around age of 7/8 at the time and while everyone had not been watching for example if I went to toilet alone in corridor he would always be behind me he was really touch and would touch me in appropriately IN MY OWN HOUSE. I would just
freeze not knowing what to do. I don’t why I never told my family I guess I felt ashamed and I didn’t want to left them down. I even remember one time I was innocently playing my Wii and he had tried to act like he was helping me and I could feel him behind me he was touching my
thigh and I just felt sick to my stomach no one had been room and as soon as someone would come in he would be as far away from me as possible some times I could even believe myself. Alhamduliah my cousin never married him and I never saw of him again.
year went by I just tried my best to move on and have somewhat of normal childhood. But that just couldn’t be the case at the age of 10/11 this religious guy had found interest in me he was a family friend and had decided to ask for my hand in marriage
at this time he was in his mid twenties and had been friends with my brother his whole life therefore he had always been in our house. My family at the time were really close to his family. This had been my whole life keep in mind
One day he was at our house and I had been learning how to do splits in living room and I remember him trying to help so I thought but he had just used it as excuse to touch me inapporiately now I realised and I guess he had been known to be religious and I guess I couldn’t
fathom the fact that has been like family to me could do such a thing. And after that he had tried to make it right but trying to marry me? and was using Aisha as example. In which he was trying to reference that at age of 16 I could move out of family home and live with him.
For years I had dreaded turning 16, even though by that time he had been married and had kids. I still feared the fact he would still wanted to marry me.
I always used to think why me what did these men see in me to want to ruin my life. Even at Dugsi teachers used to act innaproaiately in house of allah. I couldn’t feel safe anywhere.
I haven’t been greatest in my deen as much as I try I always fall back and I guess after hearing all these stories I had some sense of relieve writing this thread this annoymus account even if no one reads of hears about this at least it gives me a piece of mind and
that I have come so far in life. And inshallah I try everything in my power to become better Muslim and turn to Allah as at end of day everything that has happened to me has happened for reason and I guess it made me who I am today. I guess I’m tired of hiding it in back of my
mind. After all these years I just need to finally speak out. Maybe one day I’ll have courage to tell my mum. She literally like my best friend but I just don’t want to break her heart and destroy her like I have felt I have destroyed she been my amazing all my life and for these
men to overshadow her as parent just doesn’t sit right with me. I would want to her to blame herself for anything as it was neither mine or her fault. Which main reason on why i have remained anonymous and I would like to thank all girls that have given the strength to share this
