I wish I could say "I treat people with so much kindness bc I don& #39;t want them to go through what I do/did" but uhhh nah I just feel alone and depressed without the positive side effect

this was me thinking about how I could put so much effort into celebrating people& #39;s birthdays bc almost no one celebrates mine

I don& #39;t know WHY I& #39;m so hung up about birthdays. my mum puts effort in (decoration, food, cake, presents, how she treats me), my bf a lil bit (presents/money), um..... sometimes random people on fb leave a message. my uni group chat consisting of 5 people (inc me) send a message

and that& #39;s like.. it. oh plus L messages me personally, but that convo doesn& #39;t last long. ummm mum& #39;s side of the family usually send a message/text and a card. half of dad& #39;s side of the family didn& #39;t manage to get a card to me & none of them sent a text

so I just feel like... https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙃" title="Auf den Kopf gestelltes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Auf den Kopf gestelltes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙃" title="Auf den Kopf gestelltes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Auf den Kopf gestelltes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙃" title="Auf den Kopf gestelltes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Auf den Kopf gestelltes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙃" title="Auf den Kopf gestelltes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Auf den Kopf gestelltes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙃" title="Auf den Kopf gestelltes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Auf den Kopf gestelltes Gesicht">
during a time of extreme isolation, anxiety and change... I got even less attention on my birthday (than usual)

just feel like repeating the first post in this thread. I WISH I COULD USE MY NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES POSITIVELY BUT NO, I JUST RADIATE APATHY, NEUTRALITY AND NEGATIVITY