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Just a thought, no need to respond.
I& #39;ve not hugged or touched another person in 3 months. Even before then I never got regular human contact that I did not initiate myself. I& #39;m worried that I& #39;m going to be permanently fucked up & not know how to recieve affection w/o being weird
I& #39;ve not hugged or touched another person in 3 months. Even before then I never got regular human contact that I did not initiate myself. I& #39;m worried that I& #39;m going to be permanently fucked up & not know how to recieve affection w/o being weird
I don& #39;t trust unprecedented touches, because I& #39;ve been conditioned to think those have ulterior motives. I& #39;m only comfortable with a select few people that I have known for years to give me the physical intimacy I need because it& #39;s taken a long time to build that trust as safe.
Even then, it& #39;s always ME in control. Me asking for contact (verbally or nonverbally). Even then it& #39;s usually in such concentrated doses (like over a con weekend) that I& #39;m high off of serotonin for 3 days then crash when I& #39;m back to starving w/ a weighted blanket as a substitute
This has been a condition I& #39;ve lived with since I left home and especially after my first deeply intimate relationship ending the way it did. I have invisible scars, and control issues stemmed from trust issues and my own insecurities of finally becoming my own adult.
It& #39;s scary & I& #39;m tired. I& #39;m skittish the moment I sense someone giving me affection & attention when I didn& #39;t ask repeatedly for it, while knowing that& #39;s the very thing I want & need!! Honestly should probs go to therapy to figure this out or I& #39;m going to be alone until I die.
Or at least 3 wheeling until I die.
