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friend of mine had to fire her therapist for being too positive. got me to thinking about the destructive power of being supportive
we& #39;re all pretty familiar with the enabler type I think. back in the trailer park I saw battered wives buying their husbands more alcohol or meth because it was "loving" and "sacrificial". crazy hoes had martyr complexes, sad as fuck
my friend has been through a lot of shit and come out remarkably well adjusted considering. the shrink was overly impressed: "you are so strong! it& #39;s a miracle you made it this far! you are incredible" etc etc
friend felt herself losing her shit: "am I supposed to have failed? have I just been lucky so far? am I not damaged enough?" what were meant as positive words of praise subtly framed her as freakishly healthy, as if actually overcoming trauma were aberrant
luckily she& #39;s an older woman who knows herself well. she got rid of the cheerleader and found a shrink who asked hard questions and pointed out uncomfortable truths. sessions are less pleasant, but she& #39;s improving again
shows up in other areas too: a family friend was morbidly obese. he got validated straight into an early grave - died in his 50s of heart failure. surely there& #39;s a middle ground between "kys hog" and "one nothing wrong with me two nothing wrong with me"
I wonder if the motive behind positivity/affirmation is really compassionate, or if it& #39;s just virtue signalling. there& #39;s a disney meme: "assholes/abusive people cover themselves under the term & #39;tough love& #39;" but that doesn& #39;t mean love is soft
telling someone they can do no wrong isn& #39;t love, it& #39;s enabling. putting the bar on the floor and praising someone for exceeding that isn& #39;t love, it& #39;s condescension. doing these things won& #39;t help anyone, but it can certainly damage them
k im done
