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Before finishing school, I was so about my future. I even have a list on what should I do, which university to applied, what major should I take. What is the pros and cons of the major. Let& #39;s not talk abt before 13, my ambition was to be a freaking astronaut. Here come the list.
1. At the age of 13 or so, my passion is lawyer. I was crazy abt becoming a lawyer. Low key blame kdrama "I Can Hear Your Voice". I just want to do law, it doesn& #39;t matter if I didn& #39;t become a lawyer, I can become a prosecutor or attorney. Which is great as long as I do law (cont)
But then, I realized how lazy I am. I realized that I may be good at school, have good grade but it& #39;s at that school only. I suck! Eventho, to this day, I still want to do law but I know my limit. Teachers were rooting for me but I gave up on it, intentionally.
2. Next, I want to be a patissier. This one put a blame on Lee Donghae in "Panda and Hedgehog". I have a dream to open my own bakery and stuff hahahaha funnihhh tbh I wasn& #39;t give up on this one it just another option (probably for another day).
3. Funnily enough, I thought of becoming a forensic but I got into an art class and not biology, huh. This one put a blame on my sis. I learn bio at a young age because of her but I was not capable of doing science I guess. Plus, it& #39;s scary.
4. And at 15, I want to be a journalist. Blame "Pinocchio" (or any kdrama that hv Lee Jongsuk in it). Since everyone said I& #39;m good with words and stuff. I& #39;m brave to speak but the truth is... I am not. I do find joy and things that I did but it kinda get complicated.
I graduated and applied to Masscomm. Which it fit me but at the same time it doesn& #39;t. Every sem I struggle with this but I like it tho. I... have no idea... how difficult it would be. No, not the course, the... the thing. The confident, the & #39;everyone is greater than you& #39;
I struggled with that. A LOT! I lost my confident. I& #39;m not good at making new friends and everyone look fancy, luxurious while... I& #39;m just a kampung girl. I felt like... I left everything at the university& #39;s gate, every bits, every piece of me...
I felt like I lost my ability to speak, I lost how to alampal, I was good at it tho. I suddenly become zero. Let say, the moment I went for the interview, I lost my everything. Plus, I hv no one to talk to, well, except my sis and that& #39;s a different story.
But after two years, I think I had it back piece by piece and now it almost over, I have one sem left, kinda. I just hope it won& #39;t happened again. It hurt. It painful to have a thought that you& #39;re not good enough for everything.
... tbh, I have no idea why I made this thread. I just want to let go of everything, I guess but it doesn& #39;t it still here, in my head bothering me. There& #39;s so much more than just this. It just fucked up. idk... im sad, and confused and... alone...
Thank you tho @Twitter for listening. I appreciate it a lot.
