Read on Twitter
i managed to know what is happening to me these days and yes i said i was happy but that was while watching the bangbangcon (i was the happiest person ever i swear) but this is just not the way i thought it was. i& #39;m far from feeling happy, but it& #39;s not the end of the world.
and maybe it& #39;s the quarantine (i& #39;m almost sure of it) and the fact that i& #39;ve been more than a month without going outside. i feel completely discouraged and i never wanted that bad things to stop. it& #39;s like i& #39;m trapped in my own negative feelings.
the way i know things aren& #39;t okay it& #39;s because when i& #39;m stressed i tend to clean compulsively but this time i can& #39;t move from my bed and that is not stress it& #39;s anxious and depressive behavior and i know it well.
i thought it wasn& #39;t that deep but i& #39;m too tired emotionally and i only want to be alone when i& #39;m not usually this way. i& #39;m not like this i can feel it.
i don& #39;t like to talk about my problems in this account since i made it to stan the boys and it has happy vibes, but i really don& #39;t have anyone to talk to right now: they have their own problems and i& #39;m not a priority if they have problems. i should be a help, not a burden.
i& #39;m even questioning myself for not being enough to people when i literally stopped doing it years ago. and when i see it from another angle, it& #39;s sad to see me in this situation. i even feel sad for feeling that miserable.
it gets worse when i realize that the people who& #39;s close to me isn& #39;t happy as well. i only think in them and how it affects me. if they are not happy then i am not, their problems are mine too. i always try to help them but this time it does not work bc i& #39;m not okay.
if i can& #39;t help people then why should i feel happy? should i be allowed to feel okay when they are sad? i shouldn& #39;t until their problems are solved and they& #39;re happy.
but i am always positive: right now i& #39;m at my worse while a month ago i was at my best, so that means i can be at my best another time. i know i can& #39;t be happy forever, and i know that now is that time. i have to heal myself first to heal my beloved ones.
my sorrow won& #39;t last forever, my sadness will fade. i will be happy and i will be healed. i will be strong and i will fight because i deserve to be happy. i& #39;m a good person that deserves to be happy no matter the sadness and darkness that is on her way.
so that one thing bts taught me: you shown me i have reasons i should love myself. i& #39;ve come to understand this thing and i may not feel that right now but i once did and of course i will feel that again.
