Thread by @stephhayyy, I dated a guy for eight years, and he broke up with [...]

I dated a guy for eight years, and he broke up with me last Christmas—this is how I’m healing: a thread (1/18)

for some background, we dated since 15, and broke up at 23. went to high school/undergrad together, then grad school separately. last June, he moved to the east coast to pursue residency, and even though we kind of long distanced during grad school, this was on a new scale.(2/18)

when we broke up, I was shattered. as someone who values stability, I felt as if my life was upended, and suddenly, nothing made sense anymore. I had planned on moving to the east coast when I graduated in may, and we were going to move into an apartment together. (3/18)

I‘d applied for jobs/residencies on the east coast, and at the time, had felt lost and confused. he flew back to the east coast 2 days later, and left me to pick up the pieces. I ended up still applying to residencies, and ended up matching in the Bay Area, thankfully. (4/18)

I started to focus on healing—strengthening my relationships with friends & family, & throwing my all into work. I ended up spending more quality time than ever with my parents. I’ve become closer to friends & am very thankful for all the laughter they’ve coaxed out of me. (5/18)

in terms of dealing with the fallout, it was difficult going from talking to someone everyday to not at all. we tried to be friends, but it was painful for me, so I asked for some space. recently, I found out that he started seeing someone just a month after we broke up. (6/18)

afterward, he tried to manipulate me into not telling people about his new fling, by telling me that he knew that I was too good of a person to “expose” him like that publicly. I thought I knew him after dating for so long, but I felt as if I was talking to a stranger. (7/18)

currently, I have him blocked for the sake of space and healing. I used to think there was a “crazy” connotation with blocking on social media, but I now realize that it can be essential to getting in touch with yourself, without being affected by the internet. (8/18)

but, yes, I did feel confused and hurt, and ultimately replaceable, to hear that he had moved on so quickly. but different people deal with difficult times in very different ways, and hearing this only made me realize how much we had grown apart, rather than together. (9/18)

at the end of the day, I respect his decisions, and realize that the situation isn’t black and white. he wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, I wasn’t the perfect girlfriend. I have a lot about myself to work on, but all I can do now is to continue to improve myself for myself. (10/18)

I’ve also been purposefully redirecting my thoughts to look at this from a growth standpoint—2020 has been very difficult for me emotionally, but this experience is helping me grow and learn. I only hope to keep growing and become more in tune with myself and my emotions. (11/18)

I realized that many times in my relationship, I ended up compromising or turning a blind eye for the sake of not starting an argument. I felt small and unheard. this thread is my way of trying to be more transparent because I believe that I deserve to be heard. (12/18)

from a gal going through it, here are a few lessons I’ve learned:
- your feelings are valid—feel what you need to, don’t try to bottle things up
- it’s okay to be selfish! place YOUR values first
- sometimes, others won’t prioritize the same things you do, and that‘s ok (13/18)

an app that really helped me was Uplift: it randomly places you into a group with people around your age who are going through a similar trauma—I was put into a group with 3 wonderful people from around the world (all different countries!) and now had a safe space to talk(14/18)

songs that I listened to & still listen to:
- don’t start now by dua lipa
- glad he’s gone by tove lo
- July by noah cyrus
- explain you by jp saxe
- selfish by madison beer
- none of your concern by jhene aiko
- cancelled by kiana lede
dm me for full breakup playlist! (15/18)

but the foundation of healing, for me, was surrounding myself with good people—every day, I wonder what I did to deserve such wonderful family and friends who have been there every single day to support me as I’m still healing.(16/18)

I hate feeling like a burden to others, but there have been many times my friends/family would have to console me late at night, or in the middle of the workday. I am so grateful to those who picked me up when I didn’t have the strength to stand up for myself. (17/18)

thank you very much for listening to me ramble, and please know that it took me a few months to realize that I deserved and continue to deserve better. please remember your worth, and don’t ever hesitate to text or DM me if you need somebody to talk to. (18/18)

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