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when i grew up, i believed i was special. now i& #39;m not so sure. i think one of my fears came true--- that i& #39;m ordinary.
if you were a & #39;smart kid& #39;, you& #39;d feel the intense pressure of the entire planet crushing your lungs when you& #39;re not changing the world before your 20& #39;s.
if you were a & #39;smart kid& #39;, you& #39;d feel the intense pressure of the entire planet crushing your lungs when you& #39;re not changing the world before your 20& #39;s.
it& #39;s so frustrating to have so much expectations laced to your identity??? it& #39;s as if people keep tabs on you, waiting when you& #39;re going to do something with your life. it& #39;s not easier when YOU& #39;RE the one trying to pressure yourself. that voice never leaves.
just wanted to vent! ppl know me as the grade conscious kid who will cry at a line of 8 & i unfortunately brought that toxic behavior in college. i want to be more carefree, but i grew up like this & it& #39;s latched to me now. i can& #39;t half-ass anything.
but even if i did, it& #39;s going to haunt me so bad. i will remember it as a & #39;cause& #39; for bad things happening to me. i will remember it when i dont get the grade that i wanted & will beat myself up for & #39;slacking off& #39; when clearly i am just drained & tired.
nobody really looked at me & went & #39;oh she& #39;ll be an artist!& #39; bc stereotypical smart kids good at math & science become doctors. wow.
a+ students dont throw paint at canvases, they study for 10+ years & save people. & it was so weird that when i told people i saw myself as an artist, they told me & #39;you can be a doctor who draws & paints on her spare time& #39;.
no, sharon, i want this to be my full-time gig. why is this so shocking to you? i don& #39;t need to & #39;reevaluate& #39; my life decisions. it feels like i just told you that i wanted to be a fucken frog as my career path.
& it& #39;s as if you& #39;ve disappointed people for choosing something else. i& #39;m not & #39;wasting& #39; what i& #39;ve learned. they& #39;re still here. i just want a different life from what you& #39;ve been projecting on me.
i was supposed to take accountancy in college bc my parents didnt think my future would be bright in the arts. so i joined every art contest i could find & got awards --- out of spite. just to make them realize that i wasnt kidding. art made me happy.
luckily, results showed them how badly i wanted it. talked to me that if i was sure, then i could go to my dream school. my parents are EVERYTHING. they& #39;ve been supportive bc i explained that my course isnt & #39;just drawing& #39;. art is everywhere.
& for once in my life, i felt my dad& #39;s expectations subside.
when his friends would boast abt their kids being engineers or lawyers, he& #39;d show them a drawing of mine & go & #39;look at what my daughter did, she& #39;s so talented& #39;. & that means absolutely the world to me.
when his friends would boast abt their kids being engineers or lawyers, he& #39;d show them a drawing of mine & go & #39;look at what my daughter did, she& #39;s so talented& #39;. & that means absolutely the world to me.
asian fathers telling their eldest daughters that theyre proud of them? a miracle.
he& #39;s finished a degree in computer engineering & in nursing. he& #39;s an ASIAN asian. & when he told me that i didn& #39;t need a & #39;title& #39; in my name for him to be proud of me, best believe that i SOBBED.
he& #39;s finished a degree in computer engineering & in nursing. he& #39;s an ASIAN asian. & when he told me that i didn& #39;t need a & #39;title& #39; in my name for him to be proud of me, best believe that i SOBBED.
so if my parents are HAPPY that im happy, why are other people being so nosy? get out of my face if you& #39;re just going to tell me that i & #39;had so much potential& #39;. bitch, did i die???? i& #39;m still here. my passion is still here & i& #39;ll probably never stop until i contribute something.
but also, #magna2022 or else i will kick myself in the face.
