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Morning everyone.
I am depressed. Not like "man I& #39;m sad" but in that clinical, drag you down, don& #39;t let you go, way.
I& #39;ve thought awhile about how to tweet this thread and honestly the hardest part was the first two words. "Morning y& #39;all" "morning tweeps" "hey friends" ha.
I am depressed. Not like "man I& #39;m sad" but in that clinical, drag you down, don& #39;t let you go, way.
I& #39;ve thought awhile about how to tweet this thread and honestly the hardest part was the first two words. "Morning y& #39;all" "morning tweeps" "hey friends" ha.
I& #39;ve been avoiding it for months now.
It didn& #39;t come on with Covid lockdowns. In fact I think that made me hide it from myself more.
In truth I can& #39;t tell you when it really came on. Just that it& #39;s been since at least before Christmas and has dragged on since then.
It didn& #39;t come on with Covid lockdowns. In fact I think that made me hide it from myself more.
In truth I can& #39;t tell you when it really came on. Just that it& #39;s been since at least before Christmas and has dragged on since then.
Late last night I found myself crying to my wife telling her that I just don& #39;t have any passion in life right now. The only things that give me joy is just seeing her and the kids happy, but work, personal development, video games, reading, etc. I have absolutely 0 passion.
My wife is a fitness buff. And she& #39;s been asking me if I wanted to lift with her in the mornings in our basement.
Last night I finally realized that the reason I keep pushing it off is because I just... Don& #39;t care.
I literally do not care about anything really.
Last night I finally realized that the reason I keep pushing it off is because I just... Don& #39;t care.
I literally do not care about anything really.
I know I should work out. I don& #39;t care enough to do anything about it
I know I need to do more at work. I don& #39;t care to do so.
I want to dive into a good game. I find myself questioning the point of doing so.
I want to read a good book. I read a few pages and just... Meh.
I know I need to do more at work. I don& #39;t care to do so.
I want to dive into a good game. I find myself questioning the point of doing so.
I want to read a good book. I read a few pages and just... Meh.
The most passion I have felt for a task in months now was fixing my daughter& #39;s bike on Saturday.
Outside of that it has felt like I& #39;ve just slogged through mud for months. Doing things I "should" because I "have" to
0 sense of pride or accomplishment. No sense of passion to act
Outside of that it has felt like I& #39;ve just slogged through mud for months. Doing things I "should" because I "have" to
0 sense of pride or accomplishment. No sense of passion to act
I got done telling her all this and just... Crying.
When I calmed down she just hugged me. My wife gets it. She& #39;s got clinical depression. She knows how I feel.
All I said after that was just a self realization.
"Huh. I& #39;m depressed aren& #39;t I?"
"Yeah, you are."
When I calmed down she just hugged me. My wife gets it. She& #39;s got clinical depression. She knows how I feel.
All I said after that was just a self realization.
"Huh. I& #39;m depressed aren& #39;t I?"
"Yeah, you are."
I& #39;ve suffered through depressive bouts before.
Thankfully my doctor doesn& #39;t believe I have long term clinical depression.
Each bout I& #39;ve been able to manage through a fix of exercise, diet, and MEDICATION (emphasis there because it& #39;s often very important).
Thankfully my doctor doesn& #39;t believe I have long term clinical depression.
Each bout I& #39;ve been able to manage through a fix of exercise, diet, and MEDICATION (emphasis there because it& #39;s often very important).
When I found out my dad had cancer I went I to a deep depression. I had been a top performer at work, I immediately dropped to the bottom 5th percentile. I cut off my friends. It was rough, and took me at least a year to break out of it in some degree.
The next time I had just gotten laid off, started grad school, had broken our apartment lease to buy a house so ended up living with in laws, took a job I hated after being laid off, and had our first kid in all of it. What a messy time in life ha.
And the strange thing is... I don& #39;t have any massive trigger that sent me into this depression.
None. I started a new job, got a raise in the process, Cassie had been doing a lot of side work, we paid off most of our consumer debt, provided easily for the kids, life was good!
None. I started a new job, got a raise in the process, Cassie had been doing a lot of side work, we paid off most of our consumer debt, provided easily for the kids, life was good!
And yet... I still fell into this depression.
Again - I don& #39;t know why, I don& #39;t know how, but I know that I& #39;ve been feeling like this for... 5-6 months now.
It& #39;s just so... Strange to feel a complete lack of passion for things in life.
Again - I don& #39;t know why, I don& #39;t know how, but I know that I& #39;ve been feeling like this for... 5-6 months now.
It& #39;s just so... Strange to feel a complete lack of passion for things in life.
I mean I have ADHD. I& #39;m often so overly passionate about things that I have to stop myself from hyperfocusing on topics or games or books that I like.
But I just haven& #39;t liked ANYTHING lately.
And as someone who struggles with hyper focus, to go from that to pure apathy? Sucks.
But I just haven& #39;t liked ANYTHING lately.
And as someone who struggles with hyper focus, to go from that to pure apathy? Sucks.
Now I& #39;m confident I& #39;ll be alright. I& #39;ve got a telehealth appointment with my doctor this week. I& #39;m sure I& #39;ll start taking something to help, and this morning I got up early, went for a walk, got my kids dressed and made them breakfast.
I know I& #39;ve got to change my routine.
I know I& #39;ve got to change my routine.
I& #39;ll be alright.
Now why do I tweet all this?
Because honestly it feels good to!
And because I hope that if someone else is struggling they& #39;ll see it and know it& #39;s okay to talk about it and then they& #39;ll seek help.
Keep your heads up, things kinda suck now, but it will pass
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đź‘Ť" title="Thumbs up" aria-label="Emoji: Thumbs up">
Now why do I tweet all this?
Because honestly it feels good to!
And because I hope that if someone else is struggling they& #39;ll see it and know it& #39;s okay to talk about it and then they& #39;ll seek help.
Keep your heads up, things kinda suck now, but it will pass
