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to rina:
i want to be completely honest. I& #39;ve never got to do that when we were..a thing. i don& #39;t get myself. when i talk like this im calm, feels like i can forgive you but in my mind im so so angry. it feels so worthless. you& #39;re gone and im just here feeling so bitter over you.
i don& #39;t know. sometimes i get sad, wondering when did you start falling out of love with me, wondering why can& #39;t i just forgive you and let go. i don& #39;t like it. is it because im a self-centered person? i can& #39;t accept the fact that stuff happened and it was a bad ending.
but when i think about it i guess i actually received a closure. im just stuck here. not missing you, but i just. im just so fucking angry that i can& #39;t let you go just yet. i can& #39;t forgive you. I& #39;ve tried so many times and i just can& #39;t. i hate you so much.
i feel so pathetic when i think about last year. why the fuck did i say sorry when i didn& #39;t have to. why the fuck did i apologise to you when YOU ruined my birthday. fucking hell. what am i? a fucking pushover? why did i let you use me until you decide you don& #39;t want me anymore.
and i don& #39;t like it. im over the stuff you did somehow and learnt about myself too, letting go of the resentments i have. slowly. i just don& #39;t like how i can& #39;t bring myself to forgive you. i hate you so much now. and im not used to it. you had my heart you were my everything.
now even your name disgusts me. and it& #39;s scary. I& #39;ve never felt this much hatred towards someone and i don& #39;t like it. at all. i don& #39;t like not being able to forgive someone. i wanna heal, but it& #39;s so hard for me to forgive you. fuck you. you don& #39;t deserve my forgiveness.
im better now, less insecure and more opinionated. i stand up for myself too, sometimes. but confrontations hurt me so much. they leave me shaking, just like how you always did. they take every inch of my breath just like how your breakup texts did. i guess that& #39;s my trauma now.
i hated those mornings where i woke up and had to read your texts. the ones where you were confused about us when i loved you so much I& #39;d give up anything for you. i had to go through my day thinking about them, feeling sick while you had your fun cus "i let it all out"
i fucking comforted you while you entertained the idea of keeping me around solely for my affection. i calmed you down when you were dumping me. how fucking dumb was i for you? we can never know. all i know is that i hate you and i wish i did break up with you in march.
god. all those nights spent crying over you. all the traumas you gave me. you used me to get better but you left me broken just like how you were when we first met. you know what. i don& #39;t think i want to forgive you. you don& #39;t deserve it and i won& #39;t say any of that cliche shit.
wishing you the best and all that no. fuck you. from the deepest part of my heart and everything else in my body. fuck you rina. you sure did love yourself for someone who hates liars.
your reason of breaking us up was so ridiculous. just say that you didn& #39;t love me anymore what& #39;s so hard about that. "im straight" yeah sure of course a straight woman would whine that hard under me lmao. please. have a fucking spine and quite literally go fuck yourself.
and with that im ending this thread by saying that I will never forgive you and i hope karma comes for your ass.
