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Read if you wanna hear me babbling.. So something really struck me rn. I just walked into my moms room she seemed exhausted and I left because I felt like I was bothering her. I walk back into my room where i got a ton of sad energy and I felt like I was going to break down.
My mom comes into my room and sits down, stays quiet and has her head down I can tell something’s up so I comfort her trying to get her to open up.. but first I tell her honestly..
“mom.. I feel like Im going to cry for no reason.. and I feel like it isn’t my energy, like someone else’s” and she breaks down as she says “it’s mine” then tells me bad news from the doctor about her medical conditions.
Seeing her break down made me really sad and I cried as well hoping everything will turn out alright,, the news it scared me ofc but at the same time I had an epiphany..
My mom has never really had anybody emotionally.. as an Aquarius she is very distant from everybody and keeps things for herself. I rarely see her cry. Growing up... her parents never taught her how to love with words or affection.. she was always on her own..
I feel like she is continually repeating this cycle with HER kids because she doesn’t know how to show her love in different ways because her parents never physically and verbally showed her. Tbh her love languages are gifts and acts of service and as well are my dads.. (pisces)
This has stricken conflicts as I’ve been growing up because I always felt like I wasn’t getting enough love or attention because they didn’t show it in ways that I craved. I thrive on communication and deep meaningful words which they somewhat lack.
I’ve had major depression for YEARS , been through fake friends, self hatred, parents separation multiple times, toxic relationships, mental hospitals, suicide attempts, feeling hopeless, sexual assault, and I know this really overwhelmed my parents especially since they claimed
they’ve given me “everything” but.. it’s so much deeper than physical gifts and money etc.. I’ve told them this. It’s abt the quality time that them and I never get to have, the communication that always has a wall to it, the back and forth bickering and this is why I isolate..
Don’t get me wrong I love my parents to death, I’ll do anything for them. They mean so much to me.. but when I become a parent I’m going to break that cycle of miscommunication and will show my future child what I never received and I wish I had but it’s okay it is what it is
Those moments made me stronger , as I felt like I’ve been alone all of my life even though my brain knows I’m not. I do feel like I’ve been blessed with a gift as an empath to heal and help others out but I need to help MYSELF out first which has been a struggle of mine.
Goin to pin this thread tbh because I know I’ll need it in times of sadness in despair so future Alondra when you need this.. YOU ARE AMAZING, I LOVE YOU AND IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU GOTTA TAKE A STEP BACK DO IT.. YOU CAN TAKE TWO STEPS FORWARD THE NEXT TIME. I believe in you.
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="♋️" title="Cancer" aria-label="Emoji: Cancer">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✨" title="Sparkles" aria-label="Emoji: Sparkles">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💞" title="Revolving hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Revolving hearts">
It’s OKAY to feel SAD at TIMES but its NOT okay to PRETEND everything is FINE,, RECHARGE YOURSELF, DO YOU, STOP TRYING to make OTHER people HAPPY.. it‘ll come NATURALLY, your energy is AMAZING and so LIGHT and TRUST the UNIVERSE, it’ll do it’s thing as well as DIVING TIMING https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💞" title="Revolving hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Revolving hearts">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="☺️" title="Smiling face" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face">
