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The feeling of guilt is pervasive in academic culture (and in other fields too I& #39;m sure). There is always work you could be doing, so each time you take a break you have the potential to feel guilt for neglecting work. This is toxic to mental and physical health. @AcademicChatter
This obsession with productivity is so engrained in me that despite now working (very) part-time for myself I still feel it DAILY. Only now because I& #39;m supposed to be enjoying this new-found free time, I feel just as guilty if I work "too much" as I do if I work "too little".
Add in my #ADHD and the picture becomes cloudier. I struggle with time management and get bored easily so it& #39;s harder for me to be productive in the classical sense (getting things done). I think this increases my guilt because it& #39;s so difficult to make forward progress.
A therapist once told me that guilt comes from the gap between expectations and reality. If that& #39;s the case then more realistic expectations should lead to less guilt. Although I have 20 years of experience to teach me how long things take, this is still pretty difficult.
In a perverse way, guilt has become like a drug that keeps me productive. Guilt causes anxiety and the only way to beat that is to just Do The Thing. I feel guilt so readily and my anxiety is so strong - I have managed to get a LOT done in my professional life. Twisted, right?
High productivity was part of what defined me, what I was proud of - even if it came from an unhealthy place. If I want to be healthier, I know I have to find a new way. A way of working that isn& #39;t driven by fear and shame, but by....something else.
