have been sleeping badly all week which has resulted in me becoming increasingly hysterical and I& #39;m now in bits imagining Channel 4 just being the ice statue TV channel, don& #39;t want to come on for whatever reason? fine, we have an ice sculptor in speed dial bitch, enjoy melting

[a Channel 4 producer calling an MP]

"well we& #39;d like you to come by on Thurs..."

"ah I& #39;ll be back in the constituency, apologies"

[pause.]

"how tall are you and can you send a recent picture of your hair style, for ice purposes"

[Channel 4 meeting room]

Cathy Newman: [chanting] ice ice ice

Jon Snow: ice ice ICE ICE

head of programming: [pounding clipboard] ICE ICE ICE

just picturing some poor ice sculptor& #39;s marriage breaking down as he& #39;s gone from a quiet life to having to constantly be on call because Channel 4 will simply not stop ordering last minute ice statues of junior ministers who& #39;ve had to cancel their interviews

ok I think I maybe need to go to bed now