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#PatientsAreNotFaking makes me think of last summer when I wasn& #39;t believed by a psychiatrist about struggling with dissociation or my concerns about ADHD. I was later diagnosed with both ADHD and DPDR. Here& #39;s the story and WHY that was so damaging:
So I had a psychiatrist for a few years before that who tried her best but wasn& #39;t willing to address possible misdiagnosis. She diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, along with anxiety, major depression, and an eating disorder.
When you& #39;re diagnosed with BPD and bipolar, you& #39;re prescribed antipsychotics. And if those aren& #39;t right for your brain... Ohhhhhhhhh boy is it HELL.
I was on latuda, depakote, lamictol, lithium - if it& #39;s a bipolar medication, we tried it.
I was on latuda, depakote, lamictol, lithium - if it& #39;s a bipolar medication, we tried it.
These would seem to help for a little while. Then I& #39;d be INCREDIBLY restless, pacing my apartment back and forth, drinking heavily just to try to calm down. I rapidly gained weight, went back and forth with bulimia, and ended up hospitalized six times while seeing her for
depression. I ended up lying just to get antidepressants - I told her I& #39;d take them along with mood stabilizers. But at a certain point enough is enough.
I& #39;d read about PTSD and DPDR and wanted someone to tell me why I hadn& #39;t been diagnosed with BPD at any hospital stay.
I& #39;d read about PTSD and DPDR and wanted someone to tell me why I hadn& #39;t been diagnosed with BPD at any hospital stay.
So when my depersonalization was getting worse and worse and my therapist was on leave for a surgery, I asked for intensive outpatient therapy. I could get it but it would be with a different treatment facility. So, I started driving there and told them exactly how unreal
my life felt - how I felt like I was living in a dream, how I had trauma, how I had felt like I& #39;d died and never known. They didn& #39;t judge me. It was... Nice, until I read some of the therapy notes that said I just needed to deal with it, as if six weeks was long enough.
Anyway, about three weeks in I finally got to see a psychiatrist.
I& #39;d been waiting WEEKS to ask someone to formally evaluate me for DPDR. I had my lists of conditions I was concerned about, I had an at home test that talked about depersonalization symptoms.. I knew what to ask
I& #39;d been waiting WEEKS to ask someone to formally evaluate me for DPDR. I had my lists of conditions I was concerned about, I had an at home test that talked about depersonalization symptoms.. I knew what to ask
for. I needed someone to tell me if this was PTSD, depression, or what, and to explain their reasoning with more than "well.. seems uncommon."
I was in their specifically for concerns about dissociation. So it seems extremely dismissive and unprofessional that he shrugged
I was in their specifically for concerns about dissociation. So it seems extremely dismissive and unprofessional that he shrugged
and said to me, "well that& #39;s pretty rare, though."
Here I am, finally admitting to a professional the extent of my dissociation, and I& #39;m begging him to tell me he at least KNOWS what DPDR is because I know it& #39;s not just depression. I know what depression is like.
Here I am, finally admitting to a professional the extent of my dissociation, and I& #39;m begging him to tell me he at least KNOWS what DPDR is because I know it& #39;s not just depression. I know what depression is like.
I& #39;m NOT currently depressed.
I leave the meeting in tears. I was in intensive therapy FOR a dissociative disorder and here I was being told that "most people don& #39;t experience that." NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK. THATS WHY IM ASKING FOR HELP.
I leave the meeting in tears. I was in intensive therapy FOR a dissociative disorder and here I was being told that "most people don& #39;t experience that." NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK. THATS WHY IM ASKING FOR HELP.
I ended up going to a new psychiatrist after that, but.. I was devastated. What was the point of reaching for help if NO ONE believed me?
Later, a therapist did. I wrote about everything here if you want to read about it. https://secretladyspider.wordpress.com/2019/09/06/adhd-and-depersonalization-disorder-my-mental-health-journey-and-differential-diagnosis/">https://secretladyspider.wordpress.com/2019/09/0...
Later, a therapist did. I wrote about everything here if you want to read about it. https://secretladyspider.wordpress.com/2019/09/06/adhd-and-depersonalization-disorder-my-mental-health-journey-and-differential-diagnosis/">https://secretladyspider.wordpress.com/2019/09/0...
Still, though, it was so demoralizing to be told "yeah, you just think you have DPDR because the internet is talking about it". I just wanted to be tested, to see if that was it, and he wouldn& #39;t even acknowledge that I was struggling so much.
DPDR is an invisible illness and I don& #39;t fit the ADHD stereotype - I& #39;m AFAB, I was good in school, I wasn& #39;t a "behavior problem", im not externally hyperactive... I don& #39;t seem like I have it.
But that& #39;s the thing - LOTS of people don& #39;t "look" like they have ADHD. Or DPDR.
But that& #39;s the thing - LOTS of people don& #39;t "look" like they have ADHD. Or DPDR.
Or most mental illnesses.
I was, and am, in a lot of pain you can& #39;t "see".
This doesn& #39;t even touch on how many times I& #39;ve been to the ER for ovarian cysts or because I was suicidal and how you& #39;re treated there is SUCH gamble.
I was, and am, in a lot of pain you can& #39;t "see".
This doesn& #39;t even touch on how many times I& #39;ve been to the ER for ovarian cysts or because I was suicidal and how you& #39;re treated there is SUCH gamble.
Like. I was there for one SPECIFIC reason and that psychiatrist told me he wasn& #39;t willing to even look into it because, and I quote, "that& #39;s kinda rare, though."
I wasn& #39;t faking it. I& #39;m not now.
I wasn& #39;t faking it. I& #39;m not now.
That& #39;s the frustrating thing about seeing doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, and any physician positively say "lol we can tell when y& #39;all faking it" is that we sit there wishing we had just ended our suffering instead of reaching out.
But I did keep reaching out. And I still do.
But it shouldn& #39;t HALF this hard just to get someone to at least fuckkg evaluate you when you go "hey, I know this sounds ridiculous, and I know I could be wrong, but PLEASE listen" and being met with a shrug.
But it shouldn& #39;t HALF this hard just to get someone to at least fuckkg evaluate you when you go "hey, I know this sounds ridiculous, and I know I could be wrong, but PLEASE listen" and being met with a shrug.
