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Discrimination& complaints: a thread, Or: Why, when you witness a colleague (or anyone) being marginalised/discriminated against/treated unfairly (by a word, action, structure), you should not first/only tell them "You should make a complaint"-but consider speaking up for them /1
What happens after a discriminated person writes one is often this: it will go to someone& #39;s desk, they& #39;ll read it, if you& #39;re lucky, and, maybe address the perpetrator. They then get a chance to say, "Oh", the victim is "just touchy", or it& #39;s "political correctness gone mad". /2
A complaint from the victim *only* may give them fuel to deploy tired, but unfortunately still common stereotypes: "Women are always a bit hysterical about this" (I could name even worse examples), or it could become more personal: "Oh is it X again, they& #39;re the sensitive one"/3
So here& #39;s the issue: chances are, that if the person who experienced discrimination belongs to a marginalised group (be that for their sexuality, gender, skin colour, disability, nationality, class, religion etc), they will experience discrimination frequently. /4
While you may have said that "they should write a complaint" once, they have maybe experienced discrimination (personal, structural etc.) 3x that day already, and were already told to write complaints - and indeed wrote them - 5x that week. /5
If complaints are dealt with (they very often aren& #39;t), this often leads to further exchanges (e.g. providing full statements of what happened, why this doesn& #39;t comply with policies; this may require further research/reading), interviews, or even meetings w the perpetrators. /6
This is not only time-consuming - time, which for some marginalised groups (the disabled, carers, those in precarious employment/multiple jobs), may already be more limited - them writing/handling a complaint on their own doubles the burden already created by discrimination /7
Now imagine: you and others witness structural or personal discrimination, for instance in a policy meeting or a seminar, and someone speaks up clearly, in as much as "Comments of this sort are not on", or: "This policy will disproportionately affect group X" /8
Imagine what a burden this takes off a person who has already experienced this 3-4 times that day& wrote 5 complaints that week. It also raises awareness within a group for those who didn& #39;t pick up on it (because we don& #39;t always all notice everything/get it right all the time) /9
Maybe speak to them afterwards& say "I& #39;ll let someone know I thought this sort of behaviour is not okay" (and maybe try not to be too British abut it (i.e. "Are you ok?", b/c they& #39;ll probably say "yes" when feeling "no"; try "This wasn& #39;t on, how are you feeling about this?"). /10
Good technique here, often taught in active listening workshops: don& #39;t ask closed (yes/no) but open questions.
Thus you generate space for the person to deflate, be understood but also - and this is just as important - to say "I don& #39;t think I can/want to talk about that now"/11
Thus you generate space for the person to deflate, be understood but also - and this is just as important - to say "I don& #39;t think I can/want to talk about that now"/11
Ofc, this is not to shame anyone who has suggested writing a complaint& I can& #39;t speak for every discriminated person always. It is to address a common response to someone else experiencing/addressing discrimination, to highlight why it can be problematic& to suggest sth else. /12
Ofc There might be a reason s/o doesn& #39;t want a complaint to be made - but then, also, it& #39;s better to create a space to talk than to assume in silence.
Ofc you might read this & think: but this is obvious?! Then: great - spread the word! /13
Ofc you might read this & think: but this is obvious?! Then: great - spread the word! /13
This brings me full circle: especially when you& #39;re already feeling something is wrong, or a discriminated person already trusts you enough to disclose the experience, you have the right intentions- make them heard. Don& #39;t rely on the wronged. It goes a long way! x
/End of #frant
/End of #frant
PS/Disclaimer: This is obvs more a mind-splurge than a polished essay (& it is certainly not comprehensive). It would be really glorious if Twitter could be its sparkly self& have others share their best practice- but also feel free to DM me if you& #39;d like to talk about this more.
