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yeah sex is probably great but receiving attention and affection from people you love without asking for it or initiating it is definitely better
i need to be constantly reminded that people like me because i thrive off validation only and automatically assume that i did something wrong and people dont like me anymore if i dont get enough of it so. yeah
and i don’t mean like i need compliments ALL THE TIME to live or something but i do need certain… signs that people aren’t sick of me yet? if i assume that someone suddenly hates me and then they like one of my tweets or text me first i think “oh. i guess not. cool”
me: i’m pretty laid back. i only care about two things: every single person and if they like me. once i texted a friend first three times in a row and then didn’t talk to anyone for a week because i though that i’m annoying and nobody likes me. anyway can i get a soy latte please
(in john mulaney voice) it’s actually rooted in the deep feeling of shame that i’ve lived with for 18 years and my sense of self worth is 100% based on what i THINK people think of me and anything that might insinuate that i’m Not Good used to send me in a spiral of self loathing
i once had a full-on depressive episode because i interrupted someone in class and immediately realized that it was rude and i sounded like an asshole. i apologized twice and they said it’s not a big deal but i still basically marinated in self-hatred for DAYS. that’s bpd for ya
