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Next time a nondisabled person approaches me with, "I just don't understand how you're still single!", I'm going to save them the time and energy of finding out firsthand.
Allow me to explain:
Allow me to explain:
I'm going to say, "look, you'll leap into this headfirst. We'll talk every day. We'll have regular Zoom dates. You'll say I'm the most interesting person you've met in a long time, that you're 'learning so much' from me, and that you never expected this sort of connection."
"I will begin to trust you. I will think that you're not going to do exactly what you actually will end up doing -- but I don't know that yet, so when my friends ask how it's going, I will stop saying, 'I dunno we'll see", and start saying, 'I'm really enjoying things.'"
"I will gently correct ableist microaggressions. You will say how grateful you are and that you want me to be able to talk about these things with you. I will trust your motivations and start to ignore red flags bc 'I can tell that you care' so I want to meet you where you are."
"At six to eight weeks into this, you will make a small comment about my knitting or about moving or about a hard day, and I will see an opportunity to do something supportive, so I will offer to knit you a hat or send you a housewarming gift or order you dinner delivery."
"This is when you will realize that it is all getting a little too real; while casually dating a disabled person made you feel good, you don't actually want a relationship with one. You only ever meant to be a tourist. There was never supposed to be any danger of a relationship."
"You will then get very busy with 'things' and start to tell me that I met you at a really weird moment in your life. You're not usually this scattered. I will believe you. I will send you supportive 'you can do the thing!' messages. You will say how much you appreciate them."
"Then you will disappear for three to six days. If you get back in touch with me (and you may not), it will be to tell me that you've unexpectedly taken up with [a grimy manboy in a band, an unkind ex, a friend-turned-lover, etc...]. You're really sorry. 'It just happened'."
"You will ask if we can be friends. You will assure me that I am still, 'one of the most interesting ppl you know'. You will say how unexpected our 'connection' was. You will say, 'I really want you in my life'. I will say 'sure, we can be friends'. We will never speak again."
This is why I am still single. This same thing has happened to me multiple times in the past year -- and I don't mean a similar thing; I mean the exact same thing. Verbatim. Word for word. Copy-paste. (I wasn't that upset about this most recent one bc it unfolded so predictably.)
Why can't someone break it off with me in a super specific way for a change? There are SO many reasons not to date me: I'm boring, I'm stubborn, I'm overcommitted, I'm weird, I'm annoying, etc... -- take your fucking pick!
Anyway here's a thing I wrote about dating while disabled. It's still true: https://twitter.com/the_tweedy/status/1323333266884108290?s=20
Anyway, just because you want to be "the kind of person who would date someone who is disabled" doesn't mean you actually would date someone who is disabled.
It really is amazing how many nondisabled ppl have been like, "but srsly WHY are you single?!" -- as if I'm hiding some deep, dark secret like murdering puppies for fun. I'm just like feel free to address this question to your many nondisabled predecessors...
Although last time I actually just straight-up sent the person my taxonomy of ppl you meet when dating while disabled tweet. It just made things even more awkward when they later broke it off -- like they were trying to make sure they didn't also make the list.
I don't know any one person's motivations. I just know how the pattern looks in the aggregate. 
